Welcome to Week Three of the Hoser on the NFL, where my hold on mediocrity gets stronger with each passing day.

I went a humble 8-8 against the spread in Week Two, just barely keeping my head above water for the season. Another solid straight up week at 11-5, but no one cares about those numbers anyway.

San Diego (+3) at TENNESSEE (44): Chargers 26, Titans 20.
Cleveland (+6.5) at MINNESOTA (40.5): Make a note, Vikings fans -- this is likely the only week of this season where you can turn to your pals and say, "Boy, Christian Ponder is clearly the best quarterback on the field!" Vikings 23, Browns 10.
Tampa Bay (+7) at NEW ENGLAND (44): Worth tuning in to see in what creative way the Bucs implode this week. My best bet is in a close game, Josh Freeman suddenly takes his helmet off and sits down on the field until he is traded. Which I totally understand. Patriots 26, Buccaneers 17.
Houston (-2.5) at BALTIMORE (45): This is a huge game for the Texans, and finally a chance to shed their "can't win the big one" history. They won't. Ravens 23, Texans 20.
St. Louis (+4) at DALLAS (47.5): Cowboys 24, Rams 22.
Arizona (+7) at NEW ORLEANS (48.5): This Cardinal team is better than you think, and the one-game boost of having Sean Payton back on the sidelines was obviously gone for the Saints in Week Two. If it goes to +7.5, bet the house. Saints 23, Cardinals 17.
Detroit (+1) at WASHINGTON (49): Lions 26, Racists 17.
Green Bay (+3) at CINCINNATI (49): Game of the Week. Bengals 27, Packers 23.
New York Giants (+1) at CAROLINA (46.5): Eli wins his first of the season. Only five more to go. Giants 29, Panthers 20.
Atlanta (+2.5) at MIAMI (44.5): PROLINE ALERT! OLG is only -.5 on the Falcons for this one. Hammer it! Falcons 30, Dolphins 20.
Indianapolis (+9.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (46): The 49ers are gonna be PISSSSSED. Still, too big. 49ers 26, Colts 20.
Jacksonville (+18.5) at SEATTLE (40.5): I haven't seen a spread this big since my subscription to "Hot N' Hefty Mamas" ran out. Seahawks 30, Jaguars 13.
Buffalo (+2.5) at NEW YORK JETS (38.5): The Jets run the ball well and stop the run. The Bills don't run the ball well and don't stop the run. So why do I feel so weird picking New York? Jets 20, Bills 19.
Chicago (-2.5) at PITTSBURGH (40): Bears 24, Steelers 16.
Oakland (+14.5) at DENVER (48.5): Broncos 29, Raiders 16.

 Lock of the Week: Chicago

Trifecta: Minnesota, Chicago, New York Giants

Week Two Straight Up: 11-5
Week Two Against The Spread: 8-8
Week Two Total: $-480

Season Straight Up: 24-8
Season Against The Spread: 16-15-1
Lock of the Week: 1-1
Trifecta: 0-2
Season Totals: $-250