Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Hoser's 2014 NFL Picks, Week 16, Thursday Edition

You aren't seriously thinking about watching this game, are you? Seek help now.

Tennessee (+4.5) at JACKSONVILLE (39): Jaguars 24, Titans 16.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Hoser's 2014 NFL Picks, Week 15 Edition

I've fallen below .500 for the first time this season after two horrendous weeks. Good thing I'm heading out with the family to Eva's Deli in Barrie, ON for brunch schnitzel and pancakes!

Oakland (+10.5) at Kansas City (41.5): This would be perfect, wouldn't it? Oakland wins out and fools itself into thinking they aren't actually THAT bad. Chiefs 23, Raiders 14.
Jacksonville (+13.5) at Baltimore (45): Garbage time equals cover time. Ravens 30, Jaguars 17.
Pittsburgh (-3) at Atlanta (55.5): It's Mike Tomlin's thousand-yard stare vs. Mike Smith sarcastic smirk. Steelers 27, Falcons 23.
Houston (+7) at Indianapolis (49): The power of the Watt is strong! Colts 24, Texans 22.
Cincinnati (+2.5) at Cleveland (43.5): Here comes Johnny Manziel! There go the Browns' playoff chances! Bengals 26, Browns 16.
Miami (+8) at New England (48): Beautiful New England, where Dolphin fans and their dreams go to die. Patriots 30, Dolphins 20.
Tampa Bay (+3) at Carolina (41.5): Yeah, even without Cam Newton. Panthers 20, Buccaneers 16.
Washington (+6.5) at NY Giants (46.5): The problem with this game is ... someone will win. Giants 26, Racists 17.
Green Bay (-4) at Buffalo (50): If the Bills get the right weather and keep the ball on the ground, they can lose by only a touchdown. Packers 27, Bills 20.
Minnesota (+7.5) at Detroit (42): The Vikings have been pretty damned good for the last two months. How about a shocker? Vikings 24, Lions 23.
NY Jets (-3) at Tennessee (42): I would pay $10 to see someone in the crowd wearing a "WE MISS SANCHEZ" jersey. Titans 22, Jets 20.
Denver (-4.5) at San Diego (51): Peyton hasn't looked like Peyton for a few weeks now. Another shocker? Nope. Broncos 30, Chargers 23.
San Francisco (+9.5) at Seattle (38): It's hard to figure how Colin Kaepernick will effectively led this offense from underneath the bus 49ers fans have thrown him under. Seahawks 26, 49ers 16.
Dallas (+3.5) at Philadephia (55): Get in early, NFL franchises -- Jason Garrett will be available for dating in about three weeks. Eagles 29, Cowboys 24.
New Orleans (-3) at Chicago (54): Can you imagine how excited the folks at MNF were to have this game before the season started? Now, a nice primetime tire fire. Saints 31, Bears 21.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay
Trifecta: Minnesota, Cincinnati, Green Bay

2014 Week 14

Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
ATS: 6-10
SU: 9-7
Total $: -840

2014 Season Totals

Lock of the Week: 3-11
Trifecta: 0-14
ATS: 102-104-2
SU: 129-78-1
Total $: -$4,540 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Hoser's 2014 NFL Picks, Week 15 Thursday Edition

Arizona (+5.5) at St. Louis (40.5): The Rams have been playing extremely well of late, but of course it's been against absolutely shitty teams. I mean, c'mon -- Oakland and Washington? My junior varsity team could have stayed with them for at least three quarters. I like Arizona to win, but the Cardinal defense keeps this close. Rams 22, Cardinals 19.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Hoser's 2014 NFL Picks, Week 14 Edition

Just the scores this week, for the most part.

Houston (-5.5) at Jacksonville (42): -5.5 is also the O/U on number of sacks J.J. Watts gets. Texans 24, Jaguars 20.
NY Giants (-1) at Tennessee (46): The true measure of suckiness is being a home dog to the freaking Giants. Giants 26, Titans 17.
Tampa Bay (+10) at Detroit (41.5): I'm not saying the Buccaneers are going to win this game, but a 10-point spread in a game with an O/U of 41.5 is pretty damn big. Lions 24, Buccaneers 16.
St. Louis (-3) at Washington (44): Put your hands up ... if you would have been fired from your job for making a public statement without the approval of your boss. Rams 26, Racists 20.
Buffalo (+10) at Denver (47.5): You know you think your team is pretty damned superior when you can waste a roster spot on a kicker who only kicks off. Broncos 37, Bills 20.
Kansas City (-1) at Arizona (40): Do you think the Cardinals have thought about trying to trade for Ryan Fitzpatrick or Matt Schaub? Stop laughing -- I'm serious. I like Drew Stanton, but this is a hell of a trial by fire for him. Wouldn't it be worth a draft pick or two to get a proven QB in for the stretch run and the playoffs? Chiefs 20, Cardinals 16.
San Francisco (-8) at Oakland (41): Call this the "Get Acquainted With Your New Home, Coach Harbaugh" game. 49ers 30, Raiders 21.
New York Jets (+5.5) at Minnesota (40): Vikings 26, Jets 20.
Carolina (+9.5) at New Orleans (50): Saints 31, Panthers 17.
Baltimore (+3) at Miami (46): Dolphins 23, Ravens 21.
Pittsburgh (+3) at Cincinnati (47.5): Bengals 31, Steelers 21.
Indianapolis (-3.5) at Cleveland (50): Colts 26, Browns 20.
Seattle (+1.5) at Philadephia (48.5): Eagles 27, Seahawks 20.
New England (-3.5) at San Diego (52): Patriots 30, Chargers 24.
Atlanta (+13) at Green Bay (56): Packers 34, Falcons 23.

Lock of the Week: Cincinnati
Trifecta: Minnesota, Cincinnati, Indianapolis

2014 Week 13

Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
ATS: 4-12
SU: 10-6
Total $: -1,280

2014 Season Totals

Lock of the Week: 3-10
Trifecta: 0-13
ATS: 96-94-2
SU: 120-71-1
Total $: -$3,700 

Thursday, December 4, 2014

The Hoser's Week 14 NFL Picks, Thursday Edition

Dallas (-3.5) at CHICAGO (51.5): It's a trap, but I'm betting Jay Cutler and his Groot-like receivers tear up the Dallas secondary. Also, Tony Romo sucks. Bears 29, Cowboys 23.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Football Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 13, 2014

The Hoser is 2-1 against the spread and straight up after Thanksgiving. Damn you, Tony Romo!

Washington (+9) at Indianapolis (50): Colts 28, Racists 20.
Tennessee (+7) at Houston (42.5): Texans 24, Titans 20.
Cleveland (+3) at Buffalo (41.5): Bills 23, Browns 20.
San Diego (+6.5) at Baltimore (46): Ravens 27, Chargers 19.
NY Giants (-3) at Jacksonville (44): Giants 26, Jaguars 20.
Cincinnati (-5.5) at Tampa Bay (43.5): Bengals 29, Buccaneers 20.
Oakland (+6) at St. Louis (42.5): Rams 24, Raiders 23.
New Orleans (+3.5) at Pittsburgh (53.5): Steelers 30, Saints 20.
Carolina (+2.5) at Minnesota (41): Vikings 21, Panthers 20.
Arizona (-2) at Atlanta (45): I'm pulling for the Cardinals, but we may be asking just a bit too much of Drew Stanton. Then again, they are playing an NFC South team. Cardinals 24, Falcons 21.
New England (+3) at Green Bay (57): Patriots 29, Packers 26.
Denver (+1) at Kansas City (49): Broncos 27, Chiefs 23.
Miami (-7) at NY Jets (42): Dolphins 26, Jets 16.

Lock of the Week: Pittsburgh
Trifecta: Pittsburgh, Miami, New England

Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Hoser's Week 13 NFL Picks, Thursday (Thanksgiving) Edition

Like your body after stuffing yourself with turkey and pie, my momentum is now gone. I struggled to a 6-9 week against the spread and lost the Trifecta and the Lock (c'mon, Larry Fitzgerald would have DEFINITELY been worth two touchdowns).

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends in the U.S. Remember to tell your family you love them and be thankful for what you have -- which is the day off to watch football!

Chicago (+7) at DETROIT (46.5): The Lions' offense has not been bad the past few weeks -- it's been stinkier than that bag of leftover green bean casserole you found at the back of the fridge last February. Still, we're talking about the Bears here, who hand out points like Santa hands out gifts. Lions 30, Bears 19.
Philadelphia (+3) at DALLAS (56): If you asked Cowboys fans which they thought was a crappier play by a quarterback, the Buttfumble or Tony Romo dropping that extra point, I don't know which they'd pick. I'd take Sanchez there, but I can't take him in this game. Cowboys 31, Eagles 27.
Seattle (+1.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (40): This one's tighter than your pants tonight. Oddsmakers think the Seahawks are the better team, and with Marshawn in full #BeastMode, I have to agree. Is it enough on the road? Yes. Yes it is. Seahawks 22, 49ers 20.

2014 Week 12

Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
ATS: 6-9
SU: 11-4
Total $: -790

2014 Season Totals

Lock of the Week: 3-9
Trifecta: 0-12
ATS: 92-82-2
SU: 110-65-1
Total $: -$2,420